Unexpressed

When you are living the best of your times, when you are in love and when the two of you are together and happy- you always wonder how better the things have been. Even the smallest of arguments worry you. And even the thought of getting separated perplexes you. But one day, it happens. What had been worrying you the most, starts to happen. You don’t talk to them for hours. And then for days. And then it happens every month. You are habituated of those arguments. You start to believe that every time things would turn right. But, things does not. One day they don’t come back. And you only realise this when things have run so away. You realise this - when you have already lost them. Or, when you have already been replaced. 

What is expressed may be felt but what is felt cannot be exactly expressed. And that is how I’m feeling. Unable to realise what has happened and where to go or with whom to converse and discuss or share when the only person who used to hear everything is beyond my ambit. It is like a gust of air or a Thunder awakening me and bumping me against the truth that I just don’t want to face. 

You feel helpless and unimportant and still you cannot do anything. You cannot help yourself but cry. And remember the beautifully folded memories and lament for you know that those days will never come again. They wont come again irrespective of how better you miss them of love them. 

As far as I am concerned, this is the fate of my emotions. It is said that nothing is achieved before time and luck. Perhaps no one can understand this proverb so easily, unless a person tries a lot and then fails. I know to what extent I have committed a mistake. A mistake that may never be corrected. Perhaps a mistake for which a person continues to be punished for the rest of his life. Or at least a person falls so low in his own eyes, to such an extent that he himself is not able to make eye contact with you.

Whenever your heart beats, know that I have missed you. If not my companion, if not my fortune, we had walked two steps together, I swear on the same steps - I swear on the same promises, you forget me. I loved you so much, so much that I had no desire to love anyone else. Time has turned me into stone. I want to fill your heart with all the happiness in the world, but I have nothing except burning memories. Now should I call it fate or call it time? If I had another fortune, I would give it to you. 

It is hard to believe that these few days have passed without you  like years. There are so many such things, so many such moments which disappoint and depress me. Only I can feel this. I am so unfortunate. It seems as if time has played a dirty joke with my fate. No matter what I am in this world, I find you all over. Wherever I go, whatever destination I go through, my path is only you, Laxmi. My Laxmi. Whenever I remember you, I feel something heavy inside my mind. Maybe your memories. Or maybe you yourself. What if something breaks due to an accident? Time cannot change emotions. The feeling cannot be erased by moving away.

I don't understand at what point of time, this story reached different heights. At what point in life did everything start changing? Everything . As if an invisible storm had changed its form and came in the form of a gust of wind.

It is said that love has different forms. Just like humans. And just as there are many secrets behind the human face, same way, there are many forms and colours hidden behind the face of love. Some colours are sweet, some colours are salty, and some colours are poisonous. Not only this, some colours also have their own sounds. Some sound being sweet but some being noisy, such noises which are without anyone’s control.

A gust of wind changed the colours that existed within us. Those colours were sweet, I don't know whose eyes fell on them, I don't know what exactly happened and what changed  the few things between us . And the what changed everything. There was love, as it is now - as it was before, but the understanding between us lost its way.